This blog post was part of our April Fool’s Day content. It is a joke and shouldn’t be taken seriously. So take a moment and have a quick laugh to brighten your day.

The shrinking and sinking island nation of the Maldives, which has been much in the news of late for holding a cabinet meeting underwater to protest the impacts of climate change, announced today that they were finalizing plans to move their capital from Malé to an undisclosed location in the northern Pacific. Their plan—outlined by President Mohamed Nasheed—is to lay claim to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch and declare it home.

“After years of hoping the world would curb its wasteful ways, we’ve settled on a strategy that actually takes advantage of careless waste and littering,” said President Nasheed.

The former Indian Ocean islanders plan to literally assemble a new homeland out of plastic scraps and other debris floating in the North Pacific Gyre. Maldivian Navy divers are currently on-scene herding together a flotilla of McDonald’s Happy Meal cups, old fishing nets, and broken hula hoops that will form the initial kernel of the new country. The Maldivians hope that they can compress the current Texas-sized garbage patch into solid, floating mass about the size of their former home.

President Nasheed claims that he got the idea after watching a VHS copy of Waterworld. “I loved that movie and I am glad that Dennis Hopper finally got his star. If we cannot fight climate change, then we will at least move to an island that floats,” he continued.

Attorneys from the Maldivian high court are also launching a series of lawsuits at the International court of The Hague to overturn recycling ordinances, littering laws, and plastic bag bans. The island state’s Chief Justice put the suits in perspective by saying, “you see garbage and litter, but we see future golf courses and playgrounds. Would you deny us our new home by not littering?”

A relocation steering committee has been formed to consider a number of important issues. Top on the list will be a name for the new kingdom. Plastopia and Garbagerica are the current favorites. Also of interest is whether or not local sea life will be of any help in the enterprise. Early indications are that the sea turtle population might be willing lend a fin as they are tired of mistaking floating plastic bags for their preferred food of jelly fish.

President Nasheed is extremely optimistic about the success of this venture. “I am hoping that one day soon in every store folks will be hearing the question: Paper or Plastopia? And I hope they make the right choice!”