This blog post was part of our April Fool’s Day content. It is a joke and shouldn’t be taken seriously. So take a moment and have a quick laugh to brighten your day.

Remember the story of the Great Chicago Fire? How Mrs. Leary’s cow kicked over a lantern and burned down the city? Well, now you can use the power of the cow and a lantern to light up the town, not burn it down.

This is a nifty, compostable, free range, organic, local, recycling, conservation, energy efficient and green house gas eliminating project to light up your life and home. It’s very easy to make a bovine lamp from a live methane factory that we call the common cow. You need a length of copper pipe with a 90° bend in it, a reclaimed Coleman lantern, and a cow, Jersey, Holstein, or Guernsey.

Here’s how:

• First, obtain your live cow. They can be found in fields all across the land, and I’m sure the farmers won’t mind if you “borrow” one for the project. There’s millions of ‘em!



Photo: Hamilton Gas Products

• Now mount the Coleman lantern with mantles to the copper pipe with the 90° bend in it. You can use one of the designs here to add an artistic “flare”.
  
  

Photos: KPM International

• Then lift the tail of the cow and insert the other end of the copper pipe into the orifice below the tail. If you hear a “mooing” sound coming out, you’ve got the wrong end. Listen carefully, and when the methane starts to flow, light the lamp with a match, beeswax candle, or flame thrower. Don’t wait too long or things may go “boom”.
  
  

• If the lantern keeps falling out of the cow, solder this piece onto the end, then reinsert. Ignore the mooing, it doesn’t hurt the cow. Trust us.

• Sit back and enjoy the gentle lowing of the cow, soft hiss of the methane, and the lovely glow.

There you go! You’ve reclaimed some old copper pipe, a Coleman lantern, and tapped into a renewable energy source to light your home. Plus the milk. Happy April Fools!