What do you do for a dog who likes to chew bones, but wants you to be the bone holder?

I find it hard to believe that Mr. Lite Green and I are the only pet parents that have this problem. Newton, our 16 week old pug has made me The Bone Holder. Yes, I have to hold his smelly old bones for him to chew. Weird, huh? I thought I was going to need a 12 step program to deal with this issue, but as it turns out, all I needed was Mr. Lite Green and an old mic stand. I’ll explain...

Newton is a champion chewer. I mean, there should be an Olympic category for him. Thankfully, he will chew Bully Sticks. Apart from being about as disgusting a dog treat as I have ever had the misfortune to smell, they keep him content and occupied. This lets me get some work done or watch an occasional TV show.

But Newton doesn’t just want to chew a bone, he wants me to hold it for him. (Spoiled, I know. He also likes to sleep on my desk while I work. He’s my muse. )  I don’t remember how this bone-holding thing actually started, all I know is one day I realized I had become The Bone Holder. I’m working on a TV pilot for next fall.

Anyway, Mr. Lite Green loves me and wants me to maintain some level of sanity, so he decided to try to make a bone stand for Newton. Like me, he likes a good DIY project. And he has about as much success as I usually do, too. So... after the cursing stopped and the splinters were removed, we were back to square one. Me, The Bone Holder.

Then, last Sunday, Mr. Lite Green appeared in our living room, almost as happy as I’ve ever seen him. “I have a present for you,” he grinned. I’m thinking, what, is Barry Manilow in town? Or maybe he bought me that Snuggie I was hoping Santa would bring. But no. Instead, he handed me a round, black iron disc with a hole in the middle. Slightly nonplussed, I replied, “Thanks, honey. How nice.”

Little did I know this would turn out to be one of the best gifts he has ever given me. And it started out as the bottom of an old mic stand. Brilliant.

Having no current use for it but not wanting to throw it in the garbage, that piece of iron had languished on the floor of his office for several years. But like other misfit objects around the house, that old mic stand could be re-purposed - into to a fabulous new bone stand for Newton.

The stand has a center hole, which used to hold a rod with a microphone clip, but now holds a bone perfectly. I think this would work with an old free-weight, too. Just make sure the bone holder is heavy enough not to move while your dog is chewing. Also make sure it isn’t breakable or toxic (because your dog will lick and chew it) and then if needed, add some non-skid feet to the bottom so it doesn’t scratch your nice floor.

Now, peace reigns in our household. I no longer have to hold Newton’s smelly bones just to have a few minutes of TV, and Newton couldn’t be happier. He sits down for a nice long chew. Then Mr. Lite Green and I can catch up with Desperate Housewives.

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